Crossfit update

I just wanted to give you all a quick update. I know that only a few of you know what crossfit is, but it has made the world of difference to my fitness and overall lifestyle. Matt and I attempted the Paleo lifestyle in November and were quite successful at it about 80% of the time. I will admit that the holidays make it difficult so this month we are only at about 60% of the time. Anyway, I have lost 9 pounds now and 7 inches. I feel stronger and faster everyday. I have had one injury but I work through it. I still love it everyday! That's all!

Baby battle update

So I finally received all of my test results and...everything looks okay. I had one gene abnormality (which my doctor did not go into detail) but nothing serious. We are allowed to start trying again with a little help in the form of progestrone, folic acid, baby aspirin, and prenatals. I also drastically changed the way that I treat my body. I still cant help but think that my poor health was a direct result of my disregard for fitness and eating healthy. So I changed it. Yes I have worked out in the past but I need to be pushed (and pushed hard) to see any results. So...Crossfit and the crossfit lifestyle I owe you a huge thanks as I feel better now than I have felt in five years.

As soon as I see a little healthy heartbeat on the monitor I will be sure to post that announcement. I can't thank all of you enough for all the love and support that you have shown me. A girl couldn't survive these trials without you guys. I promise to let you all know as soon as I know that it is safe. Wish us luck!

Blogger for iPhone

That's right I just discovered that there is a blogger app...yes I am a bit behind the times but I am very excited.

And the hits keep coming...

Most of you know that I have had some interesting medical hurdles in the last few months. Despite the constant testing and doctors appointments, I still count my blessings that I am suffering from relatively minor problems compared to so many other people in this world. I need the reminder to keep grounded but I am still going to vent.

SO...the most recent problem...my hearing. I had a random ear infection back in March of 2011...it's been 20 years since my last infection. Two weeks after the infection and medication completed I still was not hearing normal and I had this awful ringing noise that just would not go away. I went back to the doctor and they assured my that I just still had fluid and it would subside after my sinus surgery a couple days later. I went in for my surgery and was not able to focus on my hearing because my nose hurt...bad. After recovering from my surgery I went to my ENT and told her I still was not hearing very well and the ringing...good god the ringing (two months at this point). Concerned she sent me immediately to a hearing test. Wouldn't you know I couldnt hearing very well out of my left ear. She told me it was more than likely nerve damage resulting from the infection and there wasn't much they could do. She offered steroids but gave me very little hope. I went home that day (the day before we left for Arizona) and took a pregnancy test (even though I was on birth control I had this feeling) because I didn't want to take steroids just in case. Sure enough and even more random...I was pregnant. Anyway, you all know how that ended.

Slip forward a couple months...I went back to an ENT here in Phoenix because I was told I needed an MRI to rule out a tumor. I took the MRI and no tumor...white spots on my brain (I will explain that later) but no tumor. Last week I took another hearing test to see if there was any change...NOPE. The decision...I will be sporting a lovely hearing aid on my left ear.

The hearing aid is not a huge deal. In fact, it comes with bluetooth technology, it's water proof, and it comes with an ipod. I get fitted on the 29th and will be wearing it for the rest of my life. So I am actually excited about being able to hear everything again though the loss really isn't that severe and I would survive fine without it.

THE PROBLEM: My career. I knew there was a chance that I would not be allowed to work doing the job I want with the recent development. I was slapped in the face when I saw for my own eyes that I do not meet the hearing qualifications. I am at a major fork in the road and have been more stressed than ever. I am still pursuing my dream job, but I am awaiting word from the employer as to whether or not they would waive my hearing. I really am pretty close to the cutoff so I cant just give up. If I get the dreaded NO then I have to find a new career path. I am struggling with that possibility as I have been preparing for my dream job since I was 17. My heart is broken. As of right now I am tossing around the idea of going to nursing school and I love the support I have from my family and friends. However...TWO more years of school (at the minimum). I really will be a student for life!

As for all the other medical problems...miscarriages, MRI white spots, headaches, etc. I am still awaiting lab results and a sleep study. I will post on those as soon as I know more. I am happy to report that I am feeling much better now than I have in a long time. I love crossfit and I think it was completely changed my lifestyle. I have thrown out all the junk food in our house (except for Trevor's stuff) and replaced it with only fresh fruit, veggies, and meat/fish. I have finally started to lose weight the right way...no crazy diet or starvation here. I workout all the time and I feel myself getting stronger and stronger. I feel more like the old me (5 years ago) and I couldn't be happier about it. Anyway...stay tuned!

Giuliana Rancic

So I am not much for celebrity news. As a matter of fact I almost hate how much we are surrounded by meaningless drama. That being said I actually really admire Giuliana Rancic for her public battle with infertility (especially given what I have been going through). I tell my friends that I am angry with God for taking three babies from Matt and I. I am battling daily with finding out how to forgive and move on with my life.

Okay so back to the point. Giuliana openly talks about how she faced the same problem with anger with God for not allowing her to have a baby. So I saw this news clip about how she recently found out the she at breast cancer at the age of 36. See the video:


What I love about her attitude is that she really believes that God didnt let her have a baby because she had to deal with this first. She believes that having this battle with infertility ultimately saved her life.

This touches close to home as I recently gave 17 vials of blood to help determine if there is in fact something going on with my body that I am not aware of. While I know the chances of having answers are slim and ultimately no news is good news...I still want answers. I think about what she is going through and I can somewhat relate because my biggest fear in life is leaving or losing Trevor. He is my world and maybe this battle is forcing me to discover something that could be potentially dangerous. I guess I will know more in the next couple of weeks. Meanwhile I will keep Giuliana and her family in my prayers.

I LOVE Sedona

Well...October 8th was officially our 5 year anniversary and the FIRST one that we have actually been together for. What did we do to celebrate this momentous occasion?!?!?!?! We went camping (after all Wood is the gift for 5 years). I know it sounds incredibly unromantic to go camping for an anniversary, but those who know me get that it was right up my ally. What better way to celebrate your life together than to spend it with your son, dog, and spouse?!?!?

So we took a chance and went up to Sedona (or rather just past Sedona in the national forest) for the weekend to enjoy some cool weather, hiking, camp fires, and fishing. I have been dying here in Phoenix with no trees, no water, and no place to escape the heat. We arrived in Sedona and I was immediately in love and at ease. Arizona seems so much more manageable knowing there is a place we can escape the heat to do the things we love.

We left Friday night and barely...I mean barely...got a campsite up in the Coconino forest. We set up camp, made dinner, and went to sleep. Little did we know it was going to reach 28 degrees at night. I thought we were going to freeze to death, but somehow we made it through the night. The next day we went hiking on the West Fork Trail and it was AMAZING. Trevor and Montana both successfully completed the six mile hike without asking for any help. After lunch we went fishing in Oak Creek with fruit snacks as bait. Needless to say we were unsuccessful, but Trevor loved it. After all, this was his first time fishing and he handled it like a pro.

After Trevor decided to jump in the freezing water fully clothed we headed back to camp. We made the decision to make dinner, have a fire, and head home just before 8 pm. We didn't want another sleepless night just to leave immediately in the morning. I did forget to bring socks and didn't think I could manage another night with frozen feet.

Even in the 36 hours we were there I was totally in love. Sedona reminds me so much of Lake Tahoe back home (minus the lake of course). I drunkly yelled at all my neighbors this last weekend for not telling me to give Sedona a try before I decide I hate Arizona. If we were to ever be permanent residents of Phoenix I would own a weekend home there in a heartbeat-no discussion. I now know where I will spend all my free time next summer.

Crossfit

Well after months of everyone telling me to try it and a whole new motivation for fitness, I finally did it...I joined a Crossfit gym. I have to admit that I was little hesitant since the cost of a membership is more than I have ever paid and to top it off I had to hire a nanny to watch Trevor so I can go to my class. All is well and it is working out better than I expected and I (on my second week) absolutely love it. I know it is sadistic to love the "I am so sore" feeling everyday, but I love knowing that I am actually pushing myself (with a little help from my gym mates) to feel that way...I earned it so to speak.

Anyway, I joined Ahwatukee crossfit and what I love most about it is it's "women only". After todays workout I am glad that there are no males in the facility because my ass was in my partners face and I was sweating so much I could literally wring out my shirt. The women are super supportive and I am excited to see how the program is going to change my body and my motivation. I needed a serious kick in the pants after the last four years of just trying and not doing.

I am still swimming on my team three nights a week and have no plans to quit. I also plan on starting running again since the weather is supposed to be dropping to 70s-80s in the next couple days (I'll believe it when I see it). I am just so excited about it all and I am hoping that I will be ready for the mud run 5k my husband signed us up for in one month...not sure how its going to go.

Update

I just wanted to give everyone a short update on how everything is going...I guess I owe you all after my depressing story!!! Anyway, I am doing great both physically and emotionally. We had brief visit to the ER last weekend because I had a cyst burst, but since then I really have felt like my old self. This was far and away the most difficult miscarriage to recover from (both physically and emotionally) but I am surprised at how much better I feel just a couple weeks later.

There were a few things that helped on my road to recovery...retail therapy being one of them. I am not sure how happy my husband was about my spending spree but in true Matt fashion he just let me do what makes me happy (great husband). We had one room in the house that still had no furniture and really needed it. Our "formal" living room is expecting Matt's trophies from his hunt in Africa so I felt the need to get the furniture ready. I will add pictures as soon as I can get around to it.

I also started my Insanity work out last week and I am thinking about joining a running club now that the weather is cooling off. As soon as I get the all clear from the doctor I will be back to swim practice three nights a week and hoping to swim my first race (in 14 years) sometime in the next couple months. I am excited to get back into shape after a four year hiatus. I really want to join a Cross Fit gym since it seems all the rage these days, but at a price tag of $180 a month I think that venture will have to wait until I am employed.

Okay so now that I have completely lost my train of thought...I want to get back to why I am writing this blog. I am so appreciative of everyones thoughts and prayers over the last couple weeks. All of your support has helped more than I ever thought it would so I thank you. Hopefully the next time I write a blog related to pregnancy it will be only of good news. Love you all!!

Battle with Infertility

I am only writing this post to help with my healing process and bring attention to an issue that so many women DO NOT talk about. I really don't want anyone to feel bad for me or sad, but I do want to keep you all updated on what is actually happening here. I love you all and I have appreciated the support you have given me. Anyway, here it is...

Let's start from the beginning...Trevor. I never planned nor expected to get pregnant so easily within weeks of being married. But much to my surprise the little man decided he needed to come into this world even though mommy was on birth control. The thought never really crossed my mind that it might just be possible to conceive will taking the same pill I had been taking for years. After the initial shock my pregnancy Trevor was smooth to say the least. We saw his little heartbeat at 6 weeks, found out his sex at 20, 3D ultrasound at 26 weeks, and his final picture at 36 weeks. At 38 weeks (after being induced) Trevor made his appearance. I never once encountered any problems the whole time I was pregnant and I even like to brag about how smooth the whole thing was.

Moving on...Since Trevor came way before our initial life plan, Matt and I decided we needed to wait at least three years before we tried again. So that we did. Little did I know our journey to baby number 2 would be more difficult than anything we have ever encountered.

In May 2010 we decided it was time again and wouldn't you know it...I got pregnant on the first try. We were so excited we spread the news to everyone. Not once did I think that there would be any problems since I have never had any in that department. About 1.5 weeks after we discovered the pregnancy I became very ill with a stomach virus....and we had to move the following weekend (I never do anything the easy way). Accompanying my nasty stomach bug (I will spare you the details) was some very scary spotting. Trying not freak out I called my doctor and she assured me that it was probably implantation bleeding and to come in to the doctor the following day. That day I went to the doctor and received an internal ultrasound only to hear the doctor say she didn't see anything-not even the blood that accompanies a miscarriage. She tried to be encouraging and remind me that I was very early and that we would try again. Unfortunately, later that evening and into the next four days (during the move of course) I miscarried that baby. I went back to the doctor to make sure everything was out and I was okay to try again (and I was). She gave me clomid so that Matt and I could try to conceive before he deployed. Obviously, we were not successful. She also assured me that it was very unlikely that I would miscarry like this again.

So fast forward to May 2011 (deployment prevented baby making for awhile). Again I was on birth control because I planned on getting a job before we tried for another baby. Literally the day we were supposed to move I starting feeling "pregnant." I took a test just for the hell of it and wouldn't you know...it was positive. Shocked and excited we again told EVERYONE at our going away dinner. I also found out that night that my best friend was pregnant and due at the same time I was...how exciting. The next day we began our trip to AZ. The night of the first stop I had to make a trip to the ER because I had the sinus infection from hell and I was so miserable. After being up all night and several pregnancy safe medications later we arrived in Arizona. We were staying with Matt's cousin until we completed our big projects in the new house. After a couple days I woke up to no pregnancy symptoms and a hour later...spotting. I knew right then and there exactly what was happening and I just let it happened. About two weeks later I went to the doctor to make sure everything was out (which it was again). He then assured me that the chances of it happening a third time. We were told to wait two months and try again.

So along came July and we tried again for a little Browning. After testing way too early at the end of July I got a positive pregnancy test (I mean way too early). I was completely shocked and excited. A week and a couple test later Matt and I decided to tell just a few people since we can not keep secrets at all...besides my chances of miscarrying again were so slim. At five weeks I went to my doctor and he referred me to OBGYN. At eight weeks I went to my OB completely expecting to have a smooth appointment and see that perfect little heartbeat in an ultrasound. Matt, Trevor and I went to the appointment and got an external "old" ultrasound. When all they could see was the sac they sent me down to get an internal ultrasound just to help ease my mind. The minute I looked at the screen and saw an empty sac I just completely lost it. Now keep in mind that I have not yet had any signs of a miscarriage. I cried and cried and cried which is so unlike me. I was just in complete shock. I thought for sure this was going to be our baby...I mean after all I had made it to eight weeks right?!?!?

So here we are now. I had my blood drawn on Monday and Wednesday of last week to check on my HCG levels. And what a great birthday present they did not rise much at all. After a long weekend in Montana I returned to the doctor today to discuss my options. WE decided that a D&C would be the best course of action in this particular situation. On Wednesday (yesterday) I went and had the surgery. The process was relatively painless and I woke up from a drug induced sleep to what felt like a light period. I sleep the rest of the day and woke up this morning to just a bit of sadness and an urge to move on with my life.

So what's next? I don't really know. Once the pregnancy hormones are gone I have to have a bunch of test to determine what is causing them in the first place (though we may never know). We have to prevent for the next couple months and then we try again with all the available medications and hope for the best. I do not know what the future holds and I am trying my best not to find blame with God for these trials. I know He only gives us what we can handle but I am at my wits end with what I can handle in regards to having another baby. I guess I just go with the flow and cross those bridges when we get there.

I so appreciate all the encouraging words and kindness. I love you all so very much.

Autistic (Is he or isn't he?)

Many of you know that we have been struggling with this diagnosis since it was first presented to us when Trevor was two years old. At two he did in fact exhibit many signs of autism (independent play, poor eye contact, speech delays, etc.) However, I fought tooth and nail to avoid labeling him at such a young age. Nonetheless, his doctor, school district, Easter seals were all able to get him the services he needed at the time so for that I am grateful.
So fast forward a year and we are in California. I try to get him seen by a developmental peds doctor in Sacramento only to find out it's a nine month wait-yikes!! How does that long of a wait help with development of children when early intervention is KEY?!?!? Anyway, he saw one doctor eventually who would not even give us the time of day-really!! Trevor was getting all the services he needed at the time so I did not even bother to go back and left him unofficially diagnosed with Autism.
So here we are in Phoenix and Matt and I decided to start the whole evaluation process over again. You see Trevor does not really have many of those symptoms he had back at two so I though maybe it was time for an update. Today was that day and after a three month wait he met with a developmental peds doctor again. The diagnosis you wonder...articulation delay (ie his speech is underdeveloped)!!! What a relief! I am not discounting what it is like to have an autistic child as I know I can be very challenging. I was up for the challenge as I love my son more that words can express and would have done whatever it takes. I think as a parent one of the most terrifying things about raising children is thinking that they may not have a normal childhood or that they cannot develop into functioning members of society. I just did not want Trevor to have that battle so I am grateful for the change in diagnosis.
Our journey is far from over since there are still concerns for Trevor beyond speech. One possible answer is that he may suffer from absent seizures which explains his random "spacing out sessions". Next doctor stop-the neurologist. He still has to be evaluated for his attention issues and his speech but the doctor is confident that Trevor will be able to achieve most of what he needs through the services and school he is already receiving.
I am truly beginning to think that 4 is going to be a good year for Trevor. He is developing so quickly now that it gives me hope that he will catch up before first or second grade. He even fully potty trained himself after my two year battle (a whole other blog someday). Today is a good day in the Browning household!

San Diego

San Diego was so needed. Thank you Meghan, Tiffany, and Stephanie for being so awesome. I loved seeing everyone and Trevor was so happy to see his friends. In fact he has not stopped talking about them since we got home. I guess I should mention to that my little man officially turned four on this trip. I cannot believe he is four years old and it both breaks my heart and make me excited to see him growing up!

At it again!

Well...I have decided to join the world of blogging again! What brings this sudden return you ask? I can honestly say that I just need the outlet. I am sure many of you have heard my complaining on recruiting duty, but the truth is I just miss having friends and I need some sort of outlet.

Please don't miss understand me..I absolutely love having my husband home every night. It is such a blessing to know that he is going to be home for dinner or at least close to it. I love that the longest he is gone is a couple weeks at a time (it's like normal business trips for everyone else). Of the previous three years he was gone for just about 24 months. So yes-a blessing to have him home.

My complaint is (and Meghan I know you understand) is building friendships. We really do not know anyone here and it's been so hard to find friends that understand what you are going through. The only time I have gone out to dinner with a girlfriend in the last four months is when my friend Jen came out for a visit in July (thanks Jen). Most of you know that I am not the "mommy group" type so that option is just completely out of the question. To add to the frustration it has been close to impossible to find a job so I am stuck at home all day and it's making me a little crazy.

I feel guilty complaining about all this because I know that I am incredibly blessed. I have a loving family and I am so happy we are all together. I am trying new things...memberships to just about every museum in town, joined a US Masters swim team, still jobs hunting, looking into going back to school to pick up a language, etc. I guess I just secretly hope that I will find a friend or two here like I had in Hawaii. I think sometimes I took for granted what we had there-friends that were family and would do anything for each other. Someone was there whenever you needed them and there was never a shortage of dinners, beach days, parks, and just going on walks.

Anyway...here's to hoping that things start to look up in the near future.